Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater!

No, I've never lived in a pumpkin, and I've never had a wife  (much less one that I couldn't keep) but nonetheless, Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater might be a good nickname for me.

After all, I love EATING pumpkin, as a brief scroll through a couple of pictures found on my phone from  the past couple of months will tell you.

   

More notably however, is the resemblance to a different Peter that I found within myself this morning. 

The apostle Peter loved the Lord Jesus. 

He didn't just love the Lord, he TRUSTED Him. 

Peter trusted Christ enough to step out of the boat, focus his eyes on his creator, and was therefore able to to walk on water.

For a while. 

Then, he took his eyes off of Christ, and caught a glimpse of the overwhelming sea. 

Doubt took over, and he began to sink.

Later, Peter felt brave and courageous as he drew out his sword and cut off the ear of one of  the guards who had come to arrest Jesus. He had recently adamantly vowed to Jesus that he would always stand by him and defend him, and now it appeared he was out to prove it!

Hours later however, while Christ was being accused in the judgement hall and it seemed as if all were lost, Peter denied even knowing his Lord,. Three times in fact, just as Jesus had warned him that he would.

Yet later, we find Jesus filling Peter with strength and confidence as they dined together. Jesus repeatedly ask Peter "Do you love me?"  "Then feed my lambs."

Despite all of his faults and wavering throughout his journey, Peter went on to be a great asset for the kingdom of God, leading more than three thousand people to accept Christ in a single day!

Much like Peter, it often feels as if I am tossed about with every wave, taking my eyes off of Christ and falling deeply back into to the overwhelming sea of despair.

 Yet here I stand, able to Praise God for His grace and mercy that never give up on me!

No matter how many times I have sunk down low into the sea, how many times I have denied the undeniable truth, He has always been there to pick me up, and set me back on a course that will, by His continued grace, allow me to use my shortcoming for His honor. 

Thank you Lord for your great grace!

 

"My Response is my Responsibility"

This blog was a started as a result of one of my all too common monthly meltdowns.

Unfortunately for my poor friends and family, I still have not yet managed to learn the fine art of NOT exposing all of my crazy during these episodes.

I thought I would share this interview about controlling such meltdowns by author and speaker:

Lysa TerKeurst

I just wanna be me!

This man is a Saint:

That's my husband, David.
He came home from yet another sixteen hour shift yesterday afternoon to a blubbering pile of hormonal angst. (Yes, me. Again.)
He held me tightly as I dramatically sobbed into his arms "Sometimes I just HATE being me!"

His response was gentle, but quick.
"Well Sweetie, who would you rather be then?"

It didn't take me long to answer him.
No one.
Because even on my very worst day, I still have it so much better than anyone else I know.

There are many reasons I can say that, but my favorite is because I am the only women in the world that can  hold my head up high and proudly proclaim that this family belongs to me:

Left to right: Ian, Kaleb, Pop (David's dad), David, Ethan

This blog title and my WW screen name for which it was named, are incredibly accurate. Barbie truly is so very blessed.

I am  so very happy to just be who I am.

Imperfect, flawed, quite frankly a hot mess more often than not.

Yet so very blessed it makes it all totally worthwhile!

Truth

 I woke up to a lie this morning. 

I was in bed thinking about my last binge eating episode and thinking of things that I could have done differently. I listed things that have been helpful in the past:

1. Prayer

2. Journal writing

3. Singing praise songs

4. Walking the dog

5. Calling/texting a friend

6. Leaving the kitchen (even if it was a huge mess) 

7. Looking at the list of go-to scripture verse on my phone

Then I remembered how that, while each of the things HAVE helped to hold off a binge in the past (sometimes for as much as a week or more) that the urge to binge never left away until I finally gave in.

Thinking these things, I began to feel overwhelmed.

That is when the lie came in. I heard Satan's whisper: 

 "Nothing works. There is nothing that will satisfy that urge. giving into a binge is inevitable, you have to accept that this is part of you."

But I know that is a LIE. It isn't true

. I wasn't made for that behavior. I WAS made for more. 

There is someone who will satisfy that urge and so much more. I have a Father in heaven who has promised to satisfy my deepest longings - way more than any amount of food ever could.

So... INSTEAD of the lie, I am choosing today to claim the promise.

Jeremiah 32:27

"Behold, I am the Lord, is there anything too hard for me?"

Of course, before God gave Jeremiah that promise, Jeremiah had to be ready to receive it.

 Verse 17 of the same chapter shows us Jeremiah's prayer:

 " Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee:"

(This reminded me of Matthew 7:7-8, when Jesus tells us to SEEK and we shall find, not that it will be dropped into our lap without any thought on our part.) 

So this is where i am this morning. I am humbling myself in prayer and admitting to God that I know He is willing to take to control of this if will figure out how to just allow him to. My prayer this morning is Jeremiah's prayer in verse 17.

 I am claiming the affirming promise that God responded to Jeremiah with in verse 27 as a promise to myself. 

I ask you to join me in that prayer, because I am in scared. I like to be in control. I REALLY don't like not to be. I don't know HOW not to be. 

I'm scared, but I am sick of believing the lie. I want this monster out of my life